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+ Atlantic 8search0 Cutecheapchick 2008-11-19T15:14:26.573+08:00NEW OFFICE POLICY Dress Code: 1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. 2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. 3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. 4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. Sick Days: We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. Personal Days: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays. Bereavement Leave: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. Toilet Breaks: Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy. Lunch Break: * Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. * Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. * Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='tracker/409366796892728906-6599406761972109170?l=boshii-world.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>TongWeinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409366796892728906.post-4496774405373639192008-11-17T00:42:00.002+08:002008-11-17T00:49:48.009+08:00<s>there's this girl, she's so wonderful, i'm attracted to her. She's beautiful, cute and everything she does makes me happy. well, she doesnt knows that i like her, but its ok with me, as long as i get to see her. </s> JOKES A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything. "The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death." When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "Thats wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This jokes requires u to read again and again till u understand. If you still don't understand after reading many times, ask me. ツ<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='tracker/409366796892728906-449677440537363919?l=boshii-world.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>TongWeinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409366796892728906.post-78675163006149847292008-11-10T23:58:00.002+08:002008-11-11T00:10:40.419+08:00Last LCL lesson for the year, i'm happy ^^. Its only the first day of the week and i'm left with 20 freagging dollars left, WTH?! Feeling weird today, no CO after sch on monday. Miss walking home w committee members. Last saturday practice at CCK , was suppose to have breakfast at 9.00am w some COMM members. Guess what, we called Cynthia and Priscilla at 8.45 and they said they are still in bed, wth?! Had breakfast w the others without them. Holidays are coming, but the ISPLs is killing me, together w 9 compos and 5 thick sets of physics shits?! Zhao xia in class today, dam paiseh, forget it. Last of all, sorry to all readers out there, i can't find any jokes to be posted, will try to find sum for u guys next time kay? ^^ ßo§hii ツ <div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='tracker/409366796892728906-7867516300614984729?l=boshii-world.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>TongWeinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409366796892728906.post-31019638801763722112008-11-09T14:38:00.002+08:002008-11-09T14:54:41.223+08:00Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"The barman said, "Yep, that's them."So the guy walked over and said, "Hello. What are you guys doing?"Bush said, "We're planning World War III."The guy asked, "Really? What's going to happen?"Bush said, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman."The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?!"Bush turned to Powell and said, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Afghans!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver's side. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it. When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." "Ahhh!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asks about his bill and the barber replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist is pleased and leaves theshop.When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing communityservice this week.’ The cop is happy and leaves the shop.T he next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop.The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he went inside and told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.Undaunted, she went outside, and in a few minutes, she returned with the lens in her hand.“How did you manage to find it, Mom?” the teenager asked.“We weren’t looking for the same thing,” she replied. “You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150.” -------------------------------------------------------------------------------<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='tracker/409366796892728906-3101963880176372211?l=boshii-world.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>TongWeinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409366796892728906.post-84952333455472167352008-11-07T00:04:00.003+08:002008-11-07T00:06:20.959+08:00