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Drake d Drizzy searchnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409366796892728906.post-31019638801763722112008-11-09T14:38:00.002+08:002008-11-09T14:54:41.223+08:00Bush and Powell were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell?"The barman said, "Yep, that's them."So the guy walked over and said, "Hello. What are you guys doing?"Bush said, "We're planning World War III."The guy asked, "Really? What's going to happen?"Bush said, "Well, we're going to kill 10 million Afghans and one bicycle repairman."The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?!"Bush turned to Powell and said, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 10 million Afghans!" ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver's side. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it. When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." "Ahhh!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asks about his bill and the barber replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist is pleased and leaves theshop.When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing communityservice this week.’ The cop is happy and leaves the shop.T he next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, ‘I cannot accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.’ The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop.The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the members of our Congress. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he went inside and told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.Undaunted, she went outside, and in a few minutes, she returned with the lens in her hand.“How did you manage to find it, Mom?” the teenager asked.“We weren’t looking for the same thing,” she replied. “You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150.” -------------------------------------------------------------------------------<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='tracker/409366796892728906-3101963880176372211?l=boshii-world.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>TongWeinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409366796892728906.post-84952333455472167352008-11-07T00:04:00.003+08:002008-11-07T00:06:20.959+08:00A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time." "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talking abouta sexa? Imma justa tellun my frienda how to spella "Mississippi"! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- There was an American man that had an meeting in France. He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting. While they were where having sex, she was yelling, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX." He did not know what that meant, but assumed it to be some sort of praise. The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting with. One of them made a hole in one. He yelled, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX !" They looked at him and said, "what do you mean wrong hole?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat and sits at the bar. The bartender walks over to them and says, "What can I get for you?"The man says "I'll have a beer", the ostrich says, "I'll have a beer", and the cat says, "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." So the bartender says, "OK, that will be $3.87."The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him. About an hour later the bartender goes back over to them and says, "What'll you guys have?"The man says, "I'll have a beer", the ostrich says, "I'll have a beer", and the cat says "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." The bartender gets them their beer and says "That'll be $3.87."The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him. A couple of days later they come back into the bar and the bartender walks over and asks "What do you guys want today?"The man says, "I'll have a scotch", the ostrich says, "I'll have a bourbon", and the cat says, "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." So the bartender says "OK, that will be $7.53." The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him.The bartender's curiosity got the best of him and he asks, "Why is it that every time I tell you the amount you owe you always have the exact change in you pocket?"The man said, "I found a bottle with a genie in it and she granted me 3 wishes. My first wish was that I always have the exact change in my pocket for anything I buy."The bartender says, "That's a great wish...better than asking for a million dollars. A million dollars will run out but that never will. What were your other 2 wishes?"The man says, "That's where I screwed up. I asked for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on little Johnny."Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, ****ing beautiful!'"<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='tracker/409366796892728906-8495233345547216735?l=boshii-world.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>TongWeinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409366796892728906.post-79788012286206928312008-11-01T13:41:00.002+08:002008-11-01T13:50:14.185+08:00Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each.Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head.Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine.Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish.Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, ?I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!? and rode off as fast as he could. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two campers were hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them. Both campers start running for their lives, when one of them stops and starts to put on his running shoes.His partner says, "What are you doing? You can't outrun a bear!"His friend replies, "I don't have to outrun the bear, I only have to outrun you!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- There was this teacher who was teaching young kids the different types of animals, she showed them the picture of a giraffe, and asked them what it was. Nobody answered..so she gave them a clue, ''It has a long neck.'' One kid answered, "Giraffe!" Pleased, the teacher showed a picture of a zebra. Nobody answered it again, so she gave them a clue. ''This animal has stripes.'' "Zebra!" one kid answered. So she put up another one, that of a deer. The teacher could not think of a clue..but suddenly she came up with one!..she asked them ''what does your mother call your father?'' Suddenly one child got up and answered ''HORNY BASTARD!'' -----------------------------------------------------------------------------<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='tracker/409366796892728906-7978801228620692831?l=boshii-world.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>TongWeinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409366796892728906.post-77596300667520359162008-11-01T00:23:00.003+08:002008-11-01T00:30:06.386+08:00